Do you sometimes feel like you have lost so much that you have to find new things to lose? Loss is an inevitable factor in our lives. We all have lost something- maybe a whole lot- at one point in life. We’ve lost items, jobs and even our minds (no pun intended). We always seem to recover from such loses and bounce back, forgetting that we once lost them.
However a loss more profound is losing someone you love. This kind of loss may present itself in various ways; death, separation, abandonment or rejection. One can ever come up with a rational justification to explain loss because the profound emptiness it leaves clouds reason. The loss of a parent or friend is heart wrenching, but the loss (especially through abandonment or rejection) of your other half- one you thought would love you forever and spend the rest of your life with you- pushes the boundaries of pain.
This is because falling in love lobs you to the deep end of your anima. It plunges right into your soul- in the deepest and darkest of places and makes you share those innermost places, with another human being. It is hard enough to confront ourselves, yet love seduces us into laying ourselves bare. Sharing yourself with another brings a sense of, ‘dopamine induced’ bliss and plain vulnerability.
Loss experienced in this kind of love, rips and snatches part of your heart. So when we lose the one we love, we try to conceal this pain by finding someone else to love and love us. We get another boyfriend/girlfriend; we remarry or simply have a series of flings (for those avoiding commitment). We repeat the same cycle over and over again throughout life, because we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable in the first place. Regardless of the many attachments we form, a constant reminder that we may lose them lurks, and most anticipate it just like we expect day and night.
We think the problem is the loss or being left, but maybe (just maybe) the problem might be love, eros love I mean. Maybe, philia (friend bond), philautia (self love), storge (empathy bond) and agape (unconditional ‘God’ love) are the kinds of love we need. Our hearts remain intact, regardless. Whatever psychological or divine arguments that can be made to explain the dynamics of eros love and loss, one factor remains constant. Without love, there is no loss. Hence, the bottom line is that: not letting your guard down to eros is the best remedy for loss.